Monday, August 1, 2011

Oh baby, baby, baby....

Last weekend was a very lazy one for me and Hubby primarily because I've been sick and having allergies again. My allergy meds rendered me unconscious for twelve hours at a time. Hence, the over abundance of sleep.

Once I've finally come to, I had the weirdest feeling come over me. I thought of babies and how come everybody got pregnant except me! Friends and family who were unable to conceive suddenly conceived and now are about to or has given birth. Told you it was the weirdest thing ever. I suddenly had this maternal desire to carry my own biological baby in my arms.

Poor Hubby was the brunt of my outburst. I saw him get deflated with my sudden longing for motherhood. I tell you, if he could somehow magically conjure up a biological baby, he would have done it to appease me. It's really neither of our faults we couldn't conceive. It's just a freak of nature that we are lacking what other couples merely take for granted.

Anyway, here are some funny, embarrassing and frustrating comments from well-meaning friends, family members and acquaintances.

What I really really dread the most are family reunions and get-togethers.

"O ano? Buntis ka na ba"
"Wala pa ba?"
"Aba, kelan pa kayo mag kakanak?"
"Ano ba problema, bakit wala pa?"
"Nagdadasal ka ba?"

If I could just put a sign on my shirt that says

"No, I'm not pregnant yet, just fat"
"I don't know when I will be"
"I can tell you what's wrong, why we haven't conceived but, I don't feel like it"
"Yes, I pray"

Hubby is the only male heir to their family name, to add insult to injury. So the pressure of populating the world with little ones bearing his surname is doubled. My mother-in-law even offered me a bribe! You know, to speed things up.

I also get two-bit advice from people that I barely know. Like:

"You prop your feet up against the wall after intercourse so that the sperm will not escape and know where to go and then shake your legs so that they can get there faster." I'm like, Dude, the sperms are made to know exactly what to do, where to go and go there as fast as they could.

"Ma'am wala ka pang anak? Haay naku. may papainom ako sa iyong magic juice, yung isa naming kasama hindi magkaanak anak din eh, ngayon tatlo na anak" "Seven hundred fifty lang per pack nung juice"

Riiight, magic juice.

I get religious advice too.

"Nagsayaw na ba kayo sa Obando?" There is a festival in Obando, Bulacan that is believed to help childless couples to conceive, once they dance together in the yearly festival. Hundred of childless couples flock there every year hoping to be blessed with children.

Hubby, my hubby, dance in public, in sweltering heat, with thousands in attendance? Don't think so. Next advice please.

Wear only boxers. Yup, did that too. Oh, you mean Hubby?

Doctors and nurses all give us advice. One expensive procedure after the next. I remember one incident, Hubby's doctor asked for a sperm count. We were at a clinic and I asked the cashier how much it cost and Hubby got pissed. I said, "Why, what's matter?"

"Your voice is too loud, everybody could hear! You even asked if I could do it in the bathroom!"

Bwa ha ha ha.

I get envious remarks too:

"Buti ka pa Miss Leics, anytime, anywhere!" Ahhmm, we're not rabbits, you know.

Family side comments like:

"The elders in our family are dying, we need to re-populate the family!"

Whoa, apocalypse?

I am in my ripe old age of 37, certainly on the late side for conceiving children. I get sudden bouts of wanting my own child. But I don't get them often. I guess I'm approaching middle age and worry about Hubby and me getting old and no one being concerned if something happened to us.

One priest friend even told us that there's an orphanage in Tagaytay that we might want to consider. He would choose a light-skinned baby for us, so that we can pass off the baby as our own. Personally, I would prefer having my own biological child first before considering adoption. If we are to consider adoption, I only like to adopt my brother's kids. I tried, but he wouldn't let me. He he he.

Some friends even suggested conceiving via in vitro. But what's the point of having a baby if we are not the baby's parents?

So for now, at least, my only baby is Hubby.


mrslovey said...

Warning: long read

I understand every single thing u said in this post and can relate to it.

During our early years of marriage, Every time some couples i know get married I get the fear of "bka mauna pa sila mabuntis" and true to my fears nauna n nga sila by one, one after the other. its like ang dali dali mabuntis. i pray to God "Lord kme naman po" but to no luck wala talaga.

my husband and i came to the point na accepted na nmin di n kme mag kaka baby and just like you we are not open to adoption just yet. we thought that maybe "super tita and tito" talga role nmin in this world like you to ur nephews and nieces. and thought that maybe ok n din wala para we could go anywhere and do anything we want without thinking me baby sa bahay na naiwan.

we gaved up on work ups very early in our marriage then di n kme nag try at all. as they say"kung ibibigay ibibigay".

and whenever there's gathering sa family i too get alot of those "ano di kp ba buntis? ang tagal nman" then I mastered answering back "nope di kme nag ba-baby, ok n kme and nag papayaman lng kme" and they shut up. lol. and i got even more inspired by your slogan DINKs and how u and ur husband are enjoying each other with ur food trips and adventures.

Re:IVF, i know you have read a lot about this too. but to testify, i know a couple in the US who has been trying for 10 years, tried AI treatment and all but nothing worked..they tried IVF last year and it worked for them finally. and it is their baby contrary to what u said " what's the point of having a baby if we are not the baby's parents? ". both sperm and eggs came from them when they did IVF. they said its a long painful process but they said it was worth it. if u could see their baby now (xavi) he looked like both his mom and dad. very adorable kid. Good thing coz for them, IVF is covered by their company's health card. it can be very expensive. but the success rates are high. they could even have twins but they opted for 1 because it would be too much already for playing God accdg to them.

see if we have money we would really try that..even if i gave up already, my husband had that dream of having a baby more than me so he would say to me ipon kme to try that. sabi ko nman ibibili ko nlng ng haus muna cguro yun if a million.. hehe so there was a plan that we would save up for that and have it done in the US.

when i was new to ur blog i thought they can afford and maybe they tried IVF na. i was wrong. sorry i know im just stranger and a follower of ur blog but somehow i feel that your my online friend already. because we have so much in common tlaga. so i suggest if it cannot be done in the normal way, go and do something.

Lastly, i personally think that u dont need to worry about somebody being there for u and ur husband when u grow old, for sure u will have JJ and ashley :)

Leica said...

Thanks, Mrs. Lovey for your response. I enjoyed reading it. I feel too that you have become my friend :-)

I was hesitant to post this in my blog at first, but I guess my life's pretty much an open book and people who read this are mostly family and friends and know pretty much the circumstances on why we couldn't conceive (yet).

We've already inquired about IVF, it can be done in Singapore, for a substantial amount of dough. It can also be done locally for much less money. I think we'll do that as a last resort.

I have faith though that I will conceive, I just know it. Call it women's intuition or something. I prayed for a child (actually, I prayed for healthy, intelligent twin boys, he he he) and I know I will have a baby/babies when the perfect time comes. You see, I was very specific with my prayers and the circumstances in my prayers are not yet in perfect alignment :-)

Our life is happy at this moment and everyday I say a prayer of thanks for that. That's what we all hope for, right? Happiness :-)

mrslovey said...

Same here. I know you will be mom soon :) I can really see you being a great mom whose very loving and nurturing ( I can tell coz I love your cooking and baking hehe). Your child will be very fortunate to have you both as parents.

Just give a timeline as to when should set aside the women's intuition first and start doing something already. anyway you can still try the "normal" way anytime after your first baby :)

Bottom line, happiness. May God be with Us :)

Leica said...

Thanks for the words of encouragement :-)

Have a safe and healthy pregnancy!